IRAQ TRIUMPHANT IN RECENT LOTTERY HOEDOWN

 

 

The Iraq lottery independent adjudicator Reports are coming in from Iraq about a recent Hoedown in the lead up to the country’s new national Lottery. The show is to be televised on Iraqi TV and will be hosted by the former (mis)information minister ‘Comical Ali’ (Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf). The show is believed to sport some scantily clad Iraq women, which has caused some furore from womens-libbers.

Joining the IWSF (Iraq Woman’s Suppression Front) in demonstrating opposite the hoedowners are a crack battalion of American troops. The ‘Bush Jnr Boys’, as the 69th Battalion are affectionately known, are protesting the use ‘these multeye .. mutleye cyl-abull …. words being used by them there new fangled dancing lot’. Tension is said to be growing between the two groups.

 

However, most of the Iraqi men we’ve interviewed dismiss the opposition forces. One Iraqi man told us, “I am thinking that this will be even better than American Bandstand or Saturday Night Fever. We are hoping to be able to win a dance with a beautiful bikini baby or maybe some farmer’s daughter. YEEHAWWWWW!”

 

The (mis)information minister and host ‘Comical Ali’ assures the Iraqi people that, “regardless of the cultural conflict the new Lottery Hoedown has brought to the war torn nation, the Iraqi people will find the Hoedown a great spectacle and a wonderful diversion from the daily nothingness that most Iraqi’s experience.”

 

Country-wide celebrations are expected to ensue with street parties, rifle shooting and firework displays. UN weapons inspectors expect the Iraqis will detonate all their hidden WMD in the celebrating, which should prove once and for all that the weapons were there

 

The lottery Ingatbola88 jackpot is said to be an estimated $25,000 which isn’t spectacular but in Iraq it will buy you enough munitions to kill half the population of a big city. Or enough donkeys to start a lucrative farming business. Or enough girls to start a… Well, the winner can spend it on whatever they want.

 

BINGO TERMS. CASINO BINGO

 

The wonderful thing about online gambling is that even if you don’t know the terms there is nothing to be embarrassed from because it’s only you and the computer (and the people in the chat room, but you’ll probably never meet them anyway). However, knowing the terms can make the game easier to follow and more enjoyable.

Blackout – A pattern where you must cover the whole card to win. Also called coverall.

Bingo booklets – A specific number of different colored bingo sheets all containing the same number of faces (ON’s) bound together to be played one for each game at a bingo session. They are arranged in the order in which they will be played.

Caller – The person (or machine) who calls out the bingo numbers.

Card – Your playing card, of course!

Chat room – A screen displayed alongside your game where you can type in messages to other players and read their responses.

Colors The color of each sheet in your bingo book.

Cut – The direction in which a sheet of faces will be cut from the master sheet. (Square, horizontal, or vertical)

Face – Is the individual bingo sheet which include 24 numbers plus the free space in the middle

Early bird game – A bingo game that starts before another regularly scheduled game.

Free space – The middle square of the card. You get it free every game and it counts towards your winning pattern.

Game board -The display board over your cards that shows you the balls in play.

Game room – Some online games divide the players into game rooms. The smaller group makes a more manageable chat room.

Jackpot – A big prize usually awarded for achieving a difficult pattern (such as a blackout) within a specified number of balls.

Number of booklets per set The number of faces per page.

On – Refers to the number of bingo faces per sheet. A 6 ON would have 6 faces per sheet

Pattern You only need the numbers that form the pattern to win the game. The most basic patterns are straight lines in a horizontal, vertical or diagonal direction. One popular pattern is the “blackout” or “coverall” where you have to cover the whole card to win.

Series indicates the number of unique faces that a single set will contain. For example: a 9000 SERIES has 9000 unique faces

Set – 9000 bingo faces numbered in sequence and all one color

Up – Refers to number of sheets that are used to make your book. For example, 6 UP indicates that the book has 6 sheets of bingo pap

 

 

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